Inspired by God

     Do you spend time with God? I used to think I spent a lot of time with God. I go to church for a few hours every Sunday and sometimes on Wednesday. I have my Bible Study on Tuesday. Once a month I meet with a group of people for worship and a teaching for 3 or 4 hours. Once a month I meet with some women I went through a Discipleship class with. When I hear a good song on the radio I stop and sing to God. When I see a beautiful sunset or a pretty bird or when I just feel good I tell God “Thank You”. I pray, not every day or for long periods of time, but I pray, and sometimes I listen to what he has to say, for a few minutes. Usually He gives me a word or an insight or a picture that just blows me away.

     I used to think I spent a lot of time with God. He isn’t far from my thoughts and I think of Him every day and talk about Him a lot to people. But I don’t really spend a lot of time “with” God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit. What I do is spend a lot of time thinking about them, talking about them, talking at them or singing to them.

     There doesn’t seem to be much two way communication! And isn’t that just sad. God doesn’t want to just listen to us. Jesus doesn’t want to just listen to you sing to Him. The Holy Spirit doesn’t want you to feel His presence, say “That’s cool” and then move on to the next thing you are going to do.

     They want to spend time with you, to love on you, to talk to you as well as listen to you. I had the incredible opportunity to leave my life for 24 hours and focus everything on God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I prayed with Jesus, I sang to God and felt His receiving of my worship. I was able to forget everything, all distractions, and focus 100% on Them.

     I didn’t worry about having enough time to finish the song before I had to go put my laundry in the dryer. I didn’t have to worry about starting to read the Bible and wonder how long before someone interrupts me. I didn’t have to think “I should be cleaning…” I should be working…” “I should be fixing dinner…” or any of the hundreds of other distractions I have every day. I didn’t have to be interrupted by someone needing my attention and having to put God aside for their needs.

     For 24 hours I was able to focus 100% on my relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I wrote, I prayed, I talked, I worshiped, I sang…with them, not to them. I sat in Heaven’s living room and spent time with God. I sat in Heaven’s dining room and ate my meals with Jesus and we talked. I went to bed and was tucked in by the Holy Spirit and kissed on the head and they sang me to sleep. I slept and woke with them watching over me and me knowing they were there.

     That is all God wants, relationship with us. I know that everyone can’t just leave their life and go someplace to spend time with God like I did. Most people can’t even get away for a few hours. But wouldn’t it be SO COOL to go and just sit and have a cup of Tea and some muffins and talk with God and let Him just love on you!!!! It is not like anything else you have ever experienced. You plan a date; schedule a meeting, put time aside to read. Why not just make a date with God! Plan the place and the time, sit and just see where He takes you. Just say “God, I am here to spend time with you, what shall we talk about”. Don’t make it the same place, or time or day. Make it your room on Sunday afternoon or the Park on Saturday morning, or your car at lunchtime. Your rendezvous should be fresh and new and exciting so that both you and God look forward to your next meeting like a date with your beloved.

     That is what I plan to do, make plans to spend time with God. Because I’ll tell you what, I have felt His gentle touch today. When I was upset I felt Him trying to make me laugh. When I was working I felt His hands on my shoulders communicating His love for me.

     A friend of mine put it this way, I went after Jesus whole heartedly, I put aside everyone else and spent time with Him. Can you imagine how He must have been thrilled to have that kind of attention from me, attention He has never had before? To show Him how much I love Him and so He can show me how much He loves me.

     His little kisses today have held me together during times of stress. His touch has brought me back from the edge of anger. His love has replaced all of the stress I would normally have felt today. God loves us so much but He wants a relationship with us, a two sided relationship, not a one sided acquaintance.

     So make a date, play some music, read something to Him, sing with Him, dance with Him. Spend time with Him but mostly, listen to what He is saying to you. He has so much to tell you but most importantly He just wants you to know how much He loves you. He wants to pour that love on you like fragrance from Heaven. To lavish you with His affection because you took time to be with Him. To love on you like your spouse or your parents. Let Him know how much you love Him, and then let Him show you how much He loves you!

Where have the pieces of my heart gone? It used to be whole when I was young! It lays in pieces now, some here, some there some… just gone. My heart used to be whole long ago when I feared nothing, when nothing hurt.

"You’re Stupid!" someone yells at you. It hurts and you want it to stop. There goes a piece of my heart, the piece with the hurt being torn away and protected.

"I wish you had never been born!" says another. And another piece is gone… protected from further hurts.

"Look at the cry baby crying at the movie, CRY BABY! CRY BABY!" "Quit Whining", "You will never be good enough", "You didn’t do it right", "You will never make it", "you’re not smart enough".

And you cry out "Someone come and take me away, I hate my life!" and something comes in and holds parts of your heart in protection away from you so you don’t feel the hurt. But you can’t feel anything else either. No joy no happiness, nothing but pain deep in my broken heart.

My innocence is lost in violence! Another big piece torn away, protected, removed.

When I was a child I was ridiculed for many things like crying, showing compassion and caring about animals. Part of the child I was then took the part of my heart that was damaged by those wounds and held it to protect it from the weed of shame that was growing in my soul. That part of my heart was protected but it was separated from the rest of me. The little girl who was protecting that part of my heart was also separate and didn’t grow up. For every part of your heart that is damaged a child is there protecting it.

As I spoke to Jesus he showed me a picture of my soul. It’s a garden, a group of living things that intertwine themselves into every part of my life. My soul is connected to my heart, my mind, my spirit, my emotions and my consciousness. My soul is the ground where all things that affect my life are rooted. I must feed, water and weed the garden of my soul on a regular basis. If any part of my being is damaged then my garden doesn’t flourish.

I started planting things in the garden when I was a child. I let other people plant things in this garden too. Some of the things are good like, joy, love, happiness. Some of the things are bad like hate, selfishness, unforgiveness, shame, fear and other such things. As I have gotten older I have tried to plant other items such as self respect, self worth and pride in the abilities God has given me to use. The problem is that the weeds called shame, fear and the others are using up all the nourishment, sun and water and are strangling out the life from the things I want to grow.

One day recently I was listening to someone talk about how Shame can overpower everything in your life and how it keeps the things that God puts in you from flourishing. The revelation came to me that this root of shame was planted in my soul when I was very young and this has dictated my actions throughout my life. Once I realized that Shame was such a powerful negative force in my life it was as if I was set free. Suddenly the shame no longer overshadowed me. It was as if I stepped out into the Son Shine of God’s love and was no longer ashamed of myself.

When Jesus showed me the Garden of my Soul I saw freshly turned dark rich earth with some stubble and pieces of dead weeds laying around. The first thought I had was "what do I plant now?" Jesus said "no, you must clean up the trash first or nothing will grow as you want it to".

Since then I have identified the different things in my life that have held me back from fulfilling the destiny Christ has set for me. The fear of praying for people I don’t know. Letting others rule my actions because I was too afraid to stand up for myself and let people know how I feel. I needed to quit talking about the "Adventure of my Soul" and start doing some adventuring instead.

After I had done this for a while I talked to Jesus and pictured myself in my Garden raking and picking up the trash till the soil was clear of everything and ready for planting. I asked again "what do I plant now?" then I saw my hand holding a seed and Jesus said "Love", and I planted the seed. I saw another seed in my hand and again Jesus said "Peace". More seeds were held in the hand and planted. Each time I planted a seed Jesus would tell me what the seeds are to grow in me… "Grace, Mercy, Caring, Courage, Humility, Holiness and Wisdom" These are the things that Jesus had me plant in my soul to grow in me. These are the things in me that my shame has strangled and killed in me all these years.

Everyone has a Garden in their Soul where the things of God and the world strive to grow. The things of the world strive to overpower the things of God and take over your life. The things of the world strive to fill your life with Fear, Shame, Unforgiveness, Self Centeredness, Greed and any number of other worldly things that are not of God. So please tend your garden.

Free the children and repair your heart. Become whole and let the things God plants in your soul rule over the things of the world. Step into the Son Shine and let Jesus help you weed and plant your Garden and see the things he wants to grow in your life.

What does the picture of yourself look like to you? What do you think each person around you looks like to themselves? How do you see them? How do those pictures match up?
When I was in my early twenties I was had a boy friend that never told me how he saw me or felt about me. My self image was not very good so I really never saw what he saw in me. I remember saying things that were designed to get him to tell me how I looked to him and how he felt about me. I never understood the reason I was asking the questions till years later. He always avoided answering the questions so I thought that it was because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I thought that he was just with me because he didn’t want to be alone. So I didn’t think much of myself. It wasn’t till years later that I found out he not only thought I was pretty but that he thought I was a great person to have as a friend. He was just too selfish to share his thoughts of me with me.

I have never had a friend longer than 5 years and usually no longer than one to two years. This led me to believe that I as unlovable. When in truth they usually stayed my friend till they got everything from me they wanted or I stopped giving. Then they left.

Are you with someone who you love and think is beautiful? Do you tell them often how you feel about them? You should. Everyone needs to hear how you feel about them often. If you do this enough then their self image and your image of them will get closer together.

Have you ever wondered how God feels about you? Since he can see directly into your heart he sees the real you. I know what some of you are saying “how can he love me if he can see the real me?” Seeing the real you makes him love you more. Despite our faults and mistakes that have colored our lives he still loves us unconditionally. He believes that you are so beautiful!!!
He tells us every day how much He loves us and how beautiful we are. He tells us in the little blessings He gives us. When we hit the green lights to get us there quicker. When we hit the red lights to avoid an accident. When He shows us something beautiful like a child playing, a beautiful sunset, a beautiful view or the scent of flowers as we drive down the road. He gives us little kisses of love every day, we just don’t recognize it most of the time.

If he can tell us so often how beautiful we are and how much he loves us why can’t we do the same for the people around us?

So here goes. . . I love you more than you will ever know. To me you are an extremely beautiful person and I am so privileged to know you and have you in my life. Thank you for being my friend, loving me and being there for me when I need you most.

April 21, 2009

Each of us has a voice. This voice tells people who we are, how we fit into their world and how they fit into ours. Your voice is not only how you talk but also how you act or react to those around you. Your voice tells people how they can relate to you or not relate to you. Your voice includes the gifts and talents God has given you.

Jesus speaks to the world through us by using our voice. God created us to be a certain voice for him. His concert is written for each of us to use the voice he gave us which melds with the other voices around us to create a beautiful symphony that spreads his glory, presence and love through out the world.

To be the voice you were created to be you have to be in tune with God, hear what he tells you, feel his guiding, move with him in the dance of life. When you are the voice you were created to be. You sing the most beautiful song, without flaw or pause or stutter. Your voice joins with the other voices God created to sing a symphony of the most beautiful sounds and movements. The melding together of each voice to create a sound no one could create alone. Each voice different yet in concert with every other voice. The sound in God’s ears of this symphony is unsurpassed by any other sound in God’s creation.

The discord comes when we try to sing with some one else’s voice. When you are not satisfied with the voice God gave you, you try to sound like some one else. To want some one else’s gifting or talent is human nature but if you try to use their voice then there is discord in the symphony. Your voice doesn’t sound like it should so it is a sour note in God’s melody.

You were not made to use some one else’s gift or talent. When you try, you fail, or your success is limited. Be joyful in the gifts and talents God has showered upon you. You were made for the ones he gave you so you can use them better than anyone else. Just remember, as much as you yearn for another person’s gifts, some one is yearning for yours. If each of us could be happy with what we have and quit yearning for another person’s gifts Gods concert would be perfect and bring joy to the entire world.

Israel O Israel
Israel my Israel
The Chosen Land of God
The Chosen People of God
His holy land, given to his Holy people. I traveled there in the youth of my faith to look upon the land, the people, the history. I knew not what awaited me in this Holy Land. The land of my Jesus, the land of my God. In me were many things that didn’t belong, many things that were of man and earth not of God and his Kingdom. In Jerusalem I found my key. My Key, Jesus, HisStory, His Love, His gift to me. I learned many things about Israel I didn’t know. Things from the past 2000 years, things from the beginning of time, things from the past century. My eyes were opened to HisStory, His Love, His People that I didn’t know. But more than that I learned many things about myself I didn’t know. I understand now how important His People are to him and because of that they are important to me. I met Jews from other lands who were visiting and I talked to them. I told them that I was a Christian praying for the land and people of God. They were not offended, they did not rejecting me because I believe that the Messiah has come and is Jesus. Tears came to their eyes because of my love for them founded through Jesus. Thanks came from them because they know our prayers are sincere and they are greatly accepted. I traveled that land to pray and to learn. What I received was a closer walk with God, a deeper understanding with His people, a Higher experience and Love of Jesus. I have been changed and I can never go back. This land of God’s has touched my soul and my spirit man and brought them closer together.

Jerusalem, O Jerusalem
Jerusalem, my Jerusalem
You have taken my heart, in no place have I felt at home more than when I crossed over into your boundaries. My heart is yours and that is where my hearts home is now. I can never feel at home again until I return to you. I have walked the streets if Jerusalem, mingled with your people, God’s people. I have entered your buildings, prayed for your people, watched the sun set over your fair white buildings and cover your people in your glory and protection. The night lights showing you even more beautiful than in the day, with the glow of the lamps illuminating the beauty of you. I have walked streets that are new and streets that are old. I have sat on the steps where Jesus taught, I have seen the pits in your walls from the arrows and bullets, wounding you as you defended your people. O Jerusalem, you have my heart and I will never be whole again till I return to you. Your stone streets, buildings and shops, but mostly your people and your spirit.

O Israel, O Jerusalem
I look at the pictures I took every day and the memories fill my heart. I tell people the stories of you but it is nothing compared to the real experience. I can say words and paint pictures with my words, I can show the real pictures I took but nothing can be as real as you are. And you are real in me, I carry your memories with me every day. A word, a tune, a thought and I am with you again, living in the memory of you. All the thoughts, feelings, smells, noises and sights of you. The songs we sang, the rides we took. Your servant who showed you to us, educated us in your history, shared with us his feelings and his love for you, and made us feel the same love for you. Maybe not as deeply as he feels but then he has been with you longer and his love for you is deep in his being since the day he was born. To see you through his eyes, his love for you was the greatest gift to us. To share his country with us and to spark in us this love for you that will never die. To walk the streets that Jesus walked was amazing. To walk along and the stop and your servant would tell us “these stones were here in the time of Jesus” just touched me deeply to know that I was that close to Him, to His Glory, to HisStory. To sit in the garden where he prayed, to stand on the steps where he taught, to see the place of his death, to stand in the tomb of his resurrection. To sing in the upper room where he appeared to his disciples and where they received the Holy Spirit. These are no longer stories to me, it is real to me now. It is part of me now in a level I am not conscious of , deep in my soul and giving life to my spirit man. My heart is here with You, God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. You are a part of me now that is deeper, pushing my earthly self out and filling me with your Spirit. To be more of you and less of me, that is all I want, that is all I need.

It has been over 6 months since I left and I think about Israel, the land and the people and HisStory every day. I have been touched more deeply than I know even now. I want to go back, I want to learn more, I want to get closer to God. But I have come to realize something, I left nothing behind, I carry it with me every day, Israel is now part of me and it is with me every day. In that I rest, I glory in the presence of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. In that is my spirit at all times, climbing higher into them, into their Glory and Love. I am changed and I cannot go back, but more importantly, I DO NOT WANT to go back to who and what I was. I want to go forward into Jesus, into God into the Holy Spirit and be what they want me to be. I want this division between my soul and my spirit man to get less and less until they are one. Until I am one with Jesus, with God and in them so that all I see is of them. I really want to go back, but not just to go back. I want to go back when He is ready for me to come, because I know that if I go back before he is ready for me Israel will hold nothing for me. So I wait until his time is come for me to return. I watch for that opportunity and I get ready for it. I grow in Jesus every day, learning and now teaching. His Glory, His Love, His Grace … HisStory.

Todd Agnew asked the question, “If you wanted me to love only you, why did you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?” I would like to try to answer that question.

God wants us not only to love him but to love all of his creation. To love a flower is to love him, to love a sunset is to love him, to love a snowflake is to love him. Is it hard to love him when you see all the beauty around us? Is it hard to love him when you see all the ugliness around us? It is hard to love him if you forget that he made it. It is hard to love him if you forget he is in everything you see, hear, smell, taste and touch.

God is Love so when you love you have a piece of him inside you that gives you the ability to love in the first place. If you love, you love God even though you don’t want to admit it, even though some people want to ignore his existence and deny his power.

I used to find it harder to love God because I couldn’t see him. Then I realized that he is in everything around me. He is in me, he is in those I love, He is in the people who don’t seem loveable. When you realize that the hand you hold is his, the Childs face you kiss is his, the cat curled up on your chest is his. Then you realize that if you just love, you love him. The hardest part for me is the fact that I used to hate myself. I realize now that if I hate myself I hate God because he is in me. Once I started loving myself I found loving God easier. I don’t need to feel his arms around me to know they are there. All I have to do is close my eyes and think of him and his strength and warmth fills me and his love overpowers all things around me so I know nothing but his love for me.

Loving everything and everyone like God loves them seems impossible but if you can love God in everything you see it is easier to love like God. In the good times and in the bad times, at weddings and funerals, at celebrations and at tragedies God is there and, if you look for it, God’s love is shining. It’s just hard to see sometimes.

Matthew 17:20
And Jesus said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you"


A Mustard seed is one of the smallest seeds that exist. It takes 6 pounds of Mustard seed to plant and acre but will produce 1300 pounds of mustard. That means that one mustard seed can produce 216 times its weight in just mustard, not including the leaves, stems, roots and other parts of the mustard plant. Think of the faith it would take to do what a mustard seed does without even trying. We try so hard to do things ourselves. Have you ever tried talking God into doing what you wanted him to do? Have you ever told him what you thought would be best? “If you just give me this right now my life would be set” or “If you would give me that all of my problems would be solved”.

The thing we always forget is the faith part. God has your back guys!!!! What makes you think you can do it better than he can??? The only part of the story you know is the part you have seen, right? Well, God sees the whole story and lets face it, he knows you better than you know yourself, right?

Think of it this way, you know that if you had that $100 you could pay off that light bill right now. But God knows that if you pay the $50 on it now then the $100 you are going to get next week will pay for that break job you don’t know you need yet. If he had given you the $100 this week, you would be walking or riding the bus next week until payday.

Faith is hard but it is really the only way. No matter what happens, God has your back!!! He knows what happened yesterday, he knows what is happening today and he knows what will happen next year. All you have to know is that God is going to give you the best as long as you let him do it.

I have found that no matter what happens all you have to do is trust in God that he is doing the best for you. Sometimes we mess it up but God will fix it if we just let him do it and quit interfering.

I used to try to tell God what to do and how to do it. Example: I told him I wanted a man 6 feet tall, brown eyes, and shoulder length wavy red hair. I didn’t ask for any personality traits or moral traits at all. He gave me a man with the exact physical description. He introduced me to drugs and partying. He was selfish and thought only of his own pleasure no matter how it hurt others. I lived with him for 5 years and when I left him he took 90% of everything I owned and left me with his child that he has never shown any interest in.

Several years later I asked for some one who liked my daughter and wouldn’t run around with others and someone who didn’t do drugs. So I got a man who was very kind and good hearted when he was sober. Unfortunately he was an alcoholic so he was rarely sober. And I am now raising his child alone too.

I got exactly what I asked for but not the best that God had for me. Now, at the age of 51, I am asking God for the best Christian man to share my journey in Christ with and I am leaving the rest of it up to God. I haven’t met him yet but I know he is out there and I just have to listen for God to give me directions to him when it is time. God loves me and wants the best for me but I have to have faith in him that he knows what he is doing. It took me 50 years to realize it but it is never too late, or to early to get the faith of a mustard seed.

Before I became a Christian I had a lot of hard times. I never had enough money, creditors were trying to collect from me and I couldn’t pay all of my utilities every month let alone my other bills. I would say to God “When will this end? When will I get ahead? When will I be able to quit struggling every day to make ends meet? When will I ever make enough money to have a comfortable life?” I never asked him into my heart, never told him I loved him. Never said I wanted him to be in my life at all. All I wanted was to have a comfortable life, I wanted him to deliver it and I didn’t want to have to do anything for it. I thought that all the suffering I was going through was payment enough. Boy was I wrong!!!

When I first became a Christian I thought “Now things will be easy. Now I won’t have to struggle so much. All I have to do now is ask God and he will provide. But how do I know if I am going to Heaven???” Then I learned that my place in heaven was assured so I figured I had it made.

Going to church on Sunday morning was enough. I go, I listen, I go home and know that God has my back for the rest of the week. After a while it wasn’t enough to know that I wanted to know more. They told me I could have a personal relationship with Jesus. How can you do that with some one you can’t see, hear, touch or hold??? It sounded good but it also sounded hard to do.

Pretty soon I was going on Sunday night too. That was fun! We learned CPR, got into a weight loss program (didn’t do me much good though) and how to act, I got into a couple of plays and that was fun too. But I wasn’t learning how to have Jesus as my friend, my buddy. Then I found myself going on Wednesday night but that was Choir, it was better, we prayed and talked some and sang about God and Christians and some of the songs were very moving. I loved being in the Choir.

Then I started going to a home group on Wednesday nights and this is what I was looking for. I was learning more about God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. “Ask and you shall receive. Where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name…” Basically what it came down to is that if I ask God for it I will get it eventually, it may take 20 years but my answer is coming.

There is a lot of levels in becoming a full fledged Christian, you have to be saved, you have to accept Jesus as your Savior, you have to repent your sins. But there is a lot more than that.

When you start out you think that all your problems will go away! NOT! Sometimes they get harder. You think that all you have to do is ask God and you will get what you want! NOT! You get what he wants to give you, and he gives you only what you can handle. God’s gifts to you are not limited by God, they are limited by you. So you have the attitude that as long as you are a good little Christian you get good stuff from God.

After a while you get to the point that you are able to quit asking for stuff (most of the time) and just accept what God gives you. You still expect God to give you stuff but you leave it up to him what you are going to get.

Then there is the place where you do what you do to please God, to be closer to him, and you do what you do for God, not for what you get from God. You don’t care if he ever gives you another thing, all you want to do is what he wants you to do. You don’t get to this point knowing you are going to get more, you get to this point not wanting anything but to be closer to Jesus and to do only what pleases God. What you get is no longer important. The only important thing is to please God, to feel his love surround you like a warm blanket on a cold winters evening. You will suffer through anything to keep from doing anything that will displease or hurt them.


This is where I want to be. I am not completely there yet but I pray that I get there soon.

I heard a story about a woman who was captured by the Chinese police. She was being tortured, they told her that if she would deny God they would stop and let her go. Just say she didn’t believe any more and she was free and there would be no more pain. She refused to make any such statement. The guards asked her that if she made the statement and she went free would her God forgive her. She said yes. So they asked why she didn’t do it. Her response was that God hurt enough from all the rejection he already had from everyone else in the world, she could not add to his pain so she would never make the statement the Chinese wanted her to make.

God give me the strength of will to be that strong for you, that close to you. I pray that if such a test comes my way that I can pass it as well as others have before me. I want to be everything for you and nothing for me. I want only to please you, go where you want me to go, do what you want me to do and say what you want me to say. When people see me I only want them to see your glory and love shine from me because that is all that is in me. You guide me and fulfill my needs and all glory and honor is yours, I am just your hands, your ears, your feet, your heart. Make this so in me so that I am only what you want me to be. Amen.

December 23, 2005
Picture this –
An old man sitting in a huge chair going over a book of names, putting a mark by one, marking through another as if to say that this person is not worthy of what he has to give. The names with marks by them are few and far between. The names struck out are many and almost make the page look black with their unworthiness. The old man creases his brow as he perceives one who has displeased him, yet a smile comes when he marks one who has done great things and is found worthy. The brow creases most of the time but the smiles are worth waiting for. You wonder what the expression will be when he gets to your name. Will he smile or will he frown? There is no way I will get a mark by my name. I could never be good enough for him. No way I would ever be acceptable.

Who does that sound like?

For years I thought it was God!

I had always thought that God just wanted the ones who were the best and he didn’t care about the rest. I never thought I could ever be good enough no matter how I tried. I had known that I was going to hell for eternity no matter how good I was so I didn’t work at being good. I know a lot of people who think that. I have been told more than once by people I know “I don’t want to go to church until I can stop doing the wrong things and be a better person” it is almost as if they don’t want to contaminate the church with their sin.

Now look at the verses of a popular Christmas Song:
You better watch out, You better not cry
Better not pout, I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list, And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good, So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out! You better not cry
Better not pout, I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town

Doesn’t that sound like the old man in the huge chair!? Picking and choosing the best and not worrying about the rest!

If this is the case why do so many want to please Santa Clause, who is looking for the good ones and will give the bad ones a lump of coal? Why don’t more people want to please God who doesn’t want the best, he wants us all. He wants us all so much that he sent his only son to live like we do, suffer and die for our sins so we don’t have to be the best of the best to be loved by him.

This is what I think – Santa Clause gives physical immediate rewards for being good. Instant satisfaction, something we can see, feel and hold. God Gives eternal salvation. We can live forever in him and with him but we can’t hold it in our hands or see our salvation.

I wasted so much of my life being mad at God for not accepting me for who I was and waiting for a fictional person to give me presents just because I wanted them.

God is Love, he is with you always in all things you do. He suffers when you suffer, he laughs when you laugh, he cries when you cry. He watches you sleep and smiles with a tear in his eye unable to contain the love he has for you just waiting for you to accept what he has to offer every day of your life. That is so much more than a box wrapped in pretty paper once a year.

I choose God because I don’t have to be prefect for Him, I just have to be me and try to do the best I can. And if I slip up once in a while, that’s OK, He still loves me.

So if you slip up and use a word your not supposed to or you do something you aren’t supposed to do, it’s OK. Tell your father and he will hug you, kiss you on the head and love you more because you are his child. I’ll take that over a present in pretty paper under a tree any day.

November 22, 2005

The Lord heals you because he loves you, He doesn’t heal the few, He heals the multitudes. It isn’t your right, it’s you inheritance. When you are saved by the Blood of Jesus you are bonded to Christ forever. He is everything to you, in every thing to you. You are his child, his possession and his love. “You have not because you ask not”. In everything is Christ so in you nothing is not of Christ.

When you are saved your sins are washed away but that isn’t where it stops. You don’t spend years earning the gifts he gave you at that moment. You spend years discovering the gifts he has given you and how to use them. He has given you everything you need to live in this world and to spread his love to those who haven’t been saved yet.

The Lord has given you all things. The store houses of Heaven are full of the gifts you haven’t claimed yet because you don’t ask for them. Sometimes you don’t ask because you don’t think it is important enough to ask for. Sometimes you don’t ask because you don’t think you are important enough to receive it. Sometimes you don’t ask because you just don’t trust God to give it to you so you don’t want to get disappointed when it doesn’t happen. God is interested in all things in your life no matter how small you think it is or how much you don’t think you deserve it. All things, problems, passions, incidents, worries, grieves, thoughts… I could go on and on, are important to God. He loves you and you are bonded to him because of that Love.

God will heal you of all things, mental, spiritual and physical, yes I said physical. You are a whole person and God wants to heal your whole being. He heals you because he loves you, not because you earned it or deserved it or studied enough to realize it. You have that healing available to you from the second you are saved by the Blood of Jesus. His blood not only covers all but it heals all too. This does not give you permission to quit taking your medication. That is a gift from God for us to use. Taking your medicine is not a lack of faith; it is an act of faith because God made this available to you to help you get better. You need to be as healthy as you can to serve God to your fullest ability.

Most people think of healing as a miracle from God. Miracles are to show God’s love for you and to show unsaved people that he is real and lead them to salvation. Healing is not a miracle to you; it is your inheritance from God when you are bonded to him. The perception of a miracle by others is a by product that serves many purposes.

“You have not because you ask not”, You have not because you believe not. Your own belief stands in the way of your healing that God is waiting to give you. Yes, he doesn’t heal every thing in your body. He left Paul with an affliction to keep him holy and focused on God. He may do that to you also but if you believe in your heart that the Blood of Jesus is sufficient for all, how come you don’t believe that the Blood of Jesus is sufficient to heal the infirmities of your mind, body and spirit?

By the Blood of Jesus Christ you are HEALED!!!

Picture this – a small row boat with some one in it lying down with their leg hanging over the edge and their toes trailing in the water with their hands behind their head looking up at the sky with that dreamy look in their eyes.

It looks like an ideal peaceful picture doesn’t it? Not a care in the world, staring at the sky and just floating along. Do you realize that this is how a lot of Christians live their relationship with God? They float along letting others do the work and take the risks.

I don’t want my life in Christ to be that way. If you look at the Depth, breadth and width of God and everything that entails you know there has to be more than the surface of the ocean most people see.

Have you ever seen a Jacque Cousteau special? There are mysteries to the ocean that we will never know. Not because we don’t want to explore, no! Because so much of it is unreachable.

We can swim in the water but the depth we can go is only 30 or 40 feet for a good swimmer, less if you don’t swim much. You can go down deeper and longer if you have a snorkel. With Scuba Gear you can go down hundreds of feet and stay for a couple of hours. Submarines can go down thousands of feet but you can’t see out very well because of the darkness and the size of the port holes.

If you liken God and his world to the Ocean it can be like this.

A Baby Christian –
He is saved and realizes that Jesus is his savior and that Eternal Life in heaven is a possibility. Now he gets himself a boat and goes out on the water. This is great, no worries, no one bothering him. He lies in the boat looking at the water and sky thinking how great God is to let him get this close. Life is good. For a lot of Christians this is as far as it goes. A storm comes up and decides this isn’t for him so he rows to shore and goes back to the other life he knew, remembering the boat and sometimes going back to take a little vacation but only when the weather is fair. Other Christians are happy just staying in the boat till they go home to Heaven and are surprised that they end up there because they weren’t sure of their salvation.

A Toddler Christian –
He gets tired of the boat but knows he doesn’t want to go back. He decides a little swim would be good. He dives down about 20 feet and sees the beauty of the world below but can’t get any closer. He stays for a minute looking with longing at that world then goes up and gets back in his boat. Thinking of the world below but not willing to take the risk to go deeper. The storms come but he weathers them, waiting for them to go by so he can swim again and look at the beauties he can’t share in.

A Child Christian –
He wants to take the risk to go deeper so he searches the boat and finds a mask, snorkel and flippers. Now he can go deeper and stay longer. So he dives in and goes deep. Instead of seeing the beauty of God from above he is now in it. He can touch it, swim with it. Like the fish coming up to get petted and the plants that are at the bottom that are so beautiful. But the time is short because of the lack of Oxygen. This is very satisfying for a while and it fills the need in the swimmer and he is happy to dive and swim for the time the Snorkel allows. Some times the swimmer gets caught in the plants or the fish get aggressive and the swimmer is scared. He hurries to his boat and vows not to get in the water again. He fondly remember the world below but is happy to wait for Heaven because he knows it is his and he doesn’t have to worry about eternal life any more.

A Teenage Christian –
Snorkeling is great but it doesn’t satisfy any more. Once again he searches the boat and finds some Scuba gear. This is more complicated so it takes some time to figure out how to put it on and make it work. Once it is working he jumps in and goes as deep as he did when snorkeling, not trusting the equipment yet. As he gets used to it he goes deeper. He sees and experiences things he didn’t even know exists. Miracle’s he calls them, wonders he had only heard about he is seeing and in some cases they are coming through him. But soon the air runs low and he has to go back to the boat. He works on getting the air refilled so he can go back. Soon he gets to the point where the boat is just a resting place to refill his needs so he can go back into the deeps of Gods wondrous miracles.

A Mature Christian –
The boat is no longer sufficient for his needs, he get a submarine and a more advanced scuba outfit. He can take the sub down to depths that he never could have with just the Scuba gear he had. More wonders are seen but satisfaction is not there because he is separated from the world of God by the protection of the subs hull. He puts on his advanced scuba gear and goes out to the world. With his light and the light of the sub he sees things he has never heard of before. Things coming through him that he never dreamed of. Now he gets back in his sub and goes to the surface and finds other Christians who haven’t even tried the snorkel and says “come with me and let me show you the wonders of the world of God” he teaches them to use the snorkel, then he teaches them to use the Scuba gear. All the time telling them what awaits them as they learn from him. he makes their time in the boat shorter then his time. The sub is big and filled with everything they need and his knowledge to make their trip shorter. He went through all the trials and errors to help others from having to take the long way. Many get to experience the wondrous world below who never would have made it that far on their own. So now because of him there are more Christians deep in Christ because he wanted to share what he learned.

An Old Christian – Not satisfied with the sub and the Scuba Gear he implores God to take away his weaknesses and be able to rest in Christ completely. God makes these changes in him so that he doesn’t need to use the Sub or the Scuba gear. He can just walk into the water with nothing but the hand of God for protection. To be in God’s world like when he first swam feeling the water around him, floating and resting in God but with all the wonders of the deep around him. He can go to any depth he wants. Now he can go to his boat and push it to shore so a new Christian can be born and learn the wonders of the Experience of God.

Thursday September 29, 2005

When I think of a servant I think of a butler or a maid, serving their employers. Some one who is compelled by their job to serve others. Serving means demeaning yourself and doing distasteful chores. In an earthly sense this is correct. In a Godly sense, nothing could be further from the truth.
A relationship with God comes in stages. You don’t move from one stage to the next until you are ready. That means when God knows you are ready, not when you decide for yourself. You are always ready when you least expect it. Servant hood is something most people know about but don’t look forward to. The general misunderstanding is that it is an unpleasant chore. This is not true, when we serve God we serve because we love Him not because we have to. We are compelled by our desire to serve, not by the requirements of outside pressure.

Many of you are serving now and don’t even realize it. Have you ever picked up something that some one dropped and given it to them? Have you ever held the door for someone? Have you ever comforted someone? Given them a ride? Bought them lunch? Run an errand for a friend? Helped your child with their homework? Prepared communion? Prayed for someone? If the answer to even one of these questions is “yes” … YOU ARE A SERVANT! ! !

By listening to God and following his direction you are serving Him. He doesn’t require your service. He doesn’t even really need it. Serving God is a joy. It doesn’t even feel like serving to us. We do it because we want to, and we are rewarded with the joy in our spirit when we perform these services. God delights in our willingness to serve and rejoices on our joy as we help others.

You don’t have to be a Missionary or give up your life to serve. You just have to be willing to follow the heart in you that God has touched with his loving hand.

August 3, 2005

Come just as you are before God and worship him. Just as you are with a wounded heart, a damaged soul. You have grown up in a corrupt world that perverts the best God has to give. God wants to heal you, to help you to overcome the corruption, the perversion, the twisted way you have been taught to use the gifts God has given Mankind. God wants you to come before him so he can heal you.

“Heal my Body?” you say, maybe. But most of all God wants to heal your heart, mind and soul. To straighten the twisted perceptions. To clear up the misunderstandings of his love. God loves you, God wants to heal you. All you have to do is ask him. It doesn’t take a fancy prayer or lying on the ground or starving yourself. All he wants you to do is ask for forgiveness and healing.

Come as you are before the Lord, in your work clothes, in your shorts and T-Shirt, in your Jeans and Tennis Shoes. With dirt on your hands and grass in your hair. Walking, crawling, on Crutches or in a wheel chair. How you come doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters, is that you come with an open heart to hear what God has to say to you. If you come with a closed heart you come with closed ears. Then you can’t receive What God so desperately wants to give you. It is what is on the inside that counts. Jesus wants your heart. He doesn’t care about clean hands or your best clothes. He cares about you!!! He loves you!!! Not your wardrobe, your car or your bank account, just you! He wants to heal your heart, he wants to relieve you of your hurts and wounds. All you have to do is ask. Then comes the hardest part. Once you let him do it you can’t take them back. You have to let them go.

Most people give their problems to God but only on loan. Don’t be an Indian giver. Once you give it, it is God’s to deal with. You can’t have it back, but since God will not deny you an answer to your prayers he lets you take them back. You have to realize that God wants them forever to deal with as he sees fit. You have to let go, forever. Only then can you be healed. Only then can you experience the full love of God in your life.

So come, now is the time to worship
Now is the time to give our hearts
Come just as you are and worship
Just as you are before your God
Come and lay down your burdens in his hands
Feel the Love of God come over you
Let God Love you completely.

It isn’t as complicated as you thought, is it?

You can’t be saved just once, it’s like a marriage, a love affair with your life long soul mate, you must renew the love daily. Never take him for granted, he is there with you all the time but you forget him. Act like you are being watched by your loved one all the time and see how different you act. At work, play, sitting on your couch or eating your supper. Jesus is with you always, watching all you do. Do you know he watches you while you sleep? Can you imagine the smile on his face as he watches you sleeping, quiet, contented in your dreams? Some night watch the one you love sleep for a while and think of Jesus watching you the same way. God loves you so much and wants to be in your life, sharing all you do. You are never alone; He is always with you sharing your ups and downs, your joys and your sorrows, your triumphs and your defeats, but most of all your pain.

He waits for your pain to be given to him so you won’t hurt any more. Give it all to him. Just cup your hands, lay yourself in them, turn and give them to the one who is at your side, always. Just say “I give this to you, Jesus. I give you my sorrow and my pain. I rest in your presence and find joy in your companionship. Touch my heart and I will love you forever. Share this day with me and take my pain before it ever touches my heart. I lay my life in your hands with complete trust in your love for me.”

That is what he is waiting for, your complete trust in him so he can take care of you. You need no other, just him. All he puts in your life is from him, your family, husband, children, friends and enemies. They are all there for a purpose. You are not always to know the purpose they serve, just accept them with thanks and learn what you can from them. God knows best and sometimes he believes that you don’t need to know the reason or that you wouldn’t understand so why confuse you with knowledge that you don’t need anyway.

Just rest in God and trust him completely. He will never let you down.

April 15, 2004

A couple of weeks ago I was in Chicago on a business trip for 3 days. Being in a strange place I didn’t sleep well and woke up at 3:AM. Usually when that happens I pick up a book to read. I picked up my Bible and looked at the Sermon outline from the day before. On it there was a reference to John 17, I remembered Keith mentioning that chapter so I looked it up and read it.

Now I don’t know how God gets through to you but with me he tends to put thing in my path several times. After I read John 17 I, very impatiently I might add, waited till I knew that Patty, a friend of mine would be up and awake so I could call her and tell her about what I had read. She informed me that her minister had preached on John 17 the previous Sunday as well. On Wednesday night I went to Bob and Raye Combs and started to share what I had read with them. Before I had gotten very far they put a flier in my hand from a group call the John Chapter 17 Ministries. Now, I don’t know about you but it seems to me that God was really trying to get my attention.

Now, granted this is my own interpretation but this is what John 17 means to me. The first 5 versus are Jesus honoring God and asking him to Glorify his sacrifice. Versus 6-19 are Jesus asking God to bless, inspire and protect his disciples so that they can teach about God’s word. But the last part, versus 20-26, are the ones that really hit me. I have read this before but I guess that I had never understood it before.

Let me read it for you:

John 17:20-26
Jesus Prays for All Believers

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. "Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."


As I read I realized that this was the last prayer that Jesus prayed before being arrested and crucified. Did you hear it? Jesus wasn’t praying for just anything, he was praying for you, he was praying for me! His last thought was for us, that we may be part of the body of Christ and live in his glory. He prayed for you, your parents, grand parents, children, grand children, your friends and your enemy’s, for all of the people who lived then, have come since and will come in the future. But he not only prayed for our redemption but for Transformation. Listen again, “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me”. That is the Transformation we have been praying about.

His last act before he was betrayed was to pray for you and me and transformation! To me that adds a whole new dimension to Communion. As you take Communion today think of Jesus, in the Garden, praying for you, your name in his heart, your face in his mind, praying for your salvation and the unity of his church.

Raising children isn’t easy. When they are small they depend on you for everything. They love you unconditionally. Their whole world revolves around you and you are everything to them. As they get older they become more self-sufficient and do some things for themselves. You want to help but, with patience you stand back and watch them as they struggle with something you could do in so much shorter time. Your heart swells with pride as you watch them tie their shoes. Of course the loops are too big, lopsided and the knot is going to come loose in half an hour and it took them 5 minutes of trying and retrying to do it. But the look on their face when they are done is priceless, a memory you hold in your heart for the rest of your life.

As they get older they are more demanding, more independent. They want this or need that. For their good you tell them “No” and their response is “I Hate You!” When they are good you begin to question their motives…”What are they going to ask for now?” is the thought that crosses your mind. They ignore you, don’t follow your rules and argue with you until you give in because you just can’t take the arguing any more. They listen to things that used to make them mad or embarrassed with they were younger. They act as if you are only there to provide what they need and give nothing in return. You live for those rare moments when they hug and kiss you for no other reason then that they wanted to. You live for the times when they really want to be with you because they love you and just want to be with you. Those times are few and far between but you treasure each one.

One day they leave home to go out on their own. They come by when they want you to do their laundry or they don’t have enough food in the house and they’re hungry. They call you when they need something or are in trouble but never just to talk. The heart breaking feeling when they are gone is more than you can bear. You wait for their calls with anticipation no matter the reason or length of the call. You can’t wait for their visits and when they come you drop everything and attend to there wants and needs as if there is nothing else in the world but them. You miss the hug and “Thank You” as they walk out the door but the love in your heart is almost as strong as the emptiness when they are gone.

They don’t think of you or call you for a long time and you’re in pain the whole time they are missing from your life. The pain and emptiness in your heart is, sometimes, more than you can bear but you go on with your life. You wait for their next call or visit with anticipation.

Then one day they show up, just to be with you for a while. They hug and kiss you, tell you how much they love you and missed you while they were away. The Joy in your heart is almost unbearable; the hole in your chest is filled with your love for them. They call more often and visit frequently. You are no longer in pain because they’re in your life again and need you and your wisdom to help them get through life. Your joy is complete and your love knows no end for your child.

Think of the parent whose child never comes back or dies before they have a chance to come back into that love that their parents are holding for them. Think of the loss, the loneliness, the emptiness, and the pain for the parent who doesn’t have a chance to have their child in their life again as an adult. There is a pain like no other in the rejection and desertion of the child from the parent. A pain and emptiness that never goes away. Their thought, every day is for the child that was lost. Every day until they die they wonder what they did wrong, what they could have done differently. Until they die alone, rejected, unfulfilled because of all the love they were unable to give to a child who abandoned them.

Think now of God, you are his child. When you were young you loved him, even if you didn’t know it was him you loved. You knew that there was someone who loved you but it was something that was just there. As you grew up you forgot that love and went on with your life. You may have been mad at God, rejected him, cursed him. Think of the pain in his heart each and think of every time you ignore his love, his word in your heart, his gift to you of his son’s life. If you can, imagine the pain of that parent who dies in loneliness and rejection for the child who never comes back to them. Think of God in Heaven! He never dies! He will live forever with your rejection in his heart, with the pain of you choosing Satan over him… Yes! Satan! When you reject God, when you ignore God, when you tell God you hate him, you are choosing Satan over him. And Satan is right there in God’s ear saying “I took another one from you, they don’t love you any more, they are mine now. Forever will they burn in the fires of hell with me because they rejected you, because they rejected your sons sacrifice for them.” At some point Satan will not be allowed into heaven to communicate with God but the pain of all those who were lost to Satan will be with him forever. As much as your parent loves you, God loves you more. If God’s love for you is like a gallon of water then your parents love for you is equal to one drop of that gallon of water. If your parent’s pain over your rejection is unbearable, think of Gods pain. Your parents have a few children, or only one child. God’s children number in the billions. If your rejection is like a knife in your parents heart think of God’s heart with all of the millions of lost children he can never get back. Don’t be another knife in God’s heart. Go to him, love him, let him love you. What God wants more than anything else is to give you the fruits of his love! To fill your life with the gifts he has stored for you in heaven that he can pour out on you while you are here on earth. He eagerly awaits your journey to him in Heaven but he has so much joy to pour into your life here on earth. Don’t be a knife in Gods heart, be a joy to him for eternity.

God wants your Love, that’s all; He just wants your love so he can love you.

Let him love you!!!

Jesus said, " I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven--the Son of Man. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

My feelings on these passages –

Jesus is telling us that we have a hard time believing that things we see, hear, taste and feel in this world. If we have a hard time believing the things we experience or that are related experiences of others then how can we bring ourselves to believe the things he tells us about heaven and God! He is asking for us to have faith in him and he will be with us through everything we endure on this planet in this life.
Moses made a bronze serpent for the Israelites to look at to save their lives if they were bitten by the vipers that infested the camp. To look at the serpent meant that they had faith in God and that he would deliver them. To not look on the serpent meant death. Jesus said. “Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life.” This means that we must look to Jesus to open our way to Heaven and salvation. Through him we find comfort, peace and love. He will guide us if we listen to him and he will never abandon us.
If ever you feel separated from him it is because you turned away from him not him turning away from you. Jesus asks that you believe in him and follow his teachings. He demands nothing, requires nothing – he asks. You don’t have to follow him but to follow him is the only way to eternal salvation. Being good and doing right isn’t enough. We all sin every day and we need the forgiveness of God to enter into his presence and that entrance is only achieved through Jesus. Jesus loves us and it hurts him when we reject him. He went through more pain and suffering then you could ever imagine. Not only did he suffer the physical abuse of beatings and crucifixion but the humiliation of the mocking soldiers and the crowd. The worst was that God, in the moment of his most intense physical and emotional pain had to turn his back on him. Not because he had sinned but because he took into himself all sins of every human past. . . present . . .and future, of every person who would ever exist, for every sin you have ever and will ever commit. He went through this more alone than you will ever be, then you have ever felt. He did it for you because at that moment he knew your name, he knew who you were and what you were like. That is how much he loves you and that is how much he suffered for you. All he asks in return is that you believe in him, have faith in him and take him into your heart as your savior and friend, mostly your friend. Someone who you can talk to and tell your worst fears and to share your happiest moments.

Miracles

When is a miracle a miracle? If it’s an everyday occurrence for you and me but someone else sees it as a miracle does our familiarity make it not a miracle? Are their miracles in our lives every day that we don’t recognize? Is God giving us miracles that we don’t get because we are not looking for them? If a Rose doesn’t wilt is it well preserved or is it God blessing us with extended beauty? Did the right words of comfort come from your heart or from God through you? Was that beautiful Sunset you enjoyed last night just that or God smiling down on your day as it ends? The drive to work that went perfect? The meal you cooked last night that was especially delicious? The drawing that your son or daughter gave you to show that they love you? The unexpected card in the mail that makes you smile? Your day at work going exceptionally well? Are these things just your good luck or did God put a little Miracle in your life today? Is any Miracle little? Look around you today, at all the things that make you smile, laugh, cry, contemplate or anything that makes your day go by smoothly. God puts miracles in your life everyday. Learn to recognize them and thank God for all the little things in your life that you see, do or experience. He puts these things in your life to bless you every day. It doesn’t take much, just look up every once in a while and say “Thank You God”. Think how you feel when you do something for some one and they recognize it and say thank you. Think how much more God is blessed by your recognition and acknowledgement of his every day Miracles? How much more your life will be blessed when you go through life seeing these miracles from God.

Fathers

The good son:

I have a son. He’s a good boy. Oh, of course he had his little fits when he was younger. I told him once we weren’t going to the zoo that day because I had to work. He hid for two hours. He got over it though. There was that time, in third grade, when he stole the lunch money. He learned that time that it wasn’t right to steal. I grounded him for a week and made him pay back double what he stole. He never again took anything that didn’t belong to him.
He’s such a smart boy. He loves school, always gets good grades and never has any serious problems. Sometime he doesn’t like to do his homework, but he gets it done. For math in seventh grade he won that academic award. He loves English too and wants to be a writer. He writes for his high school paper. There’s a scholarship he’s trying to get so for college. I got the letter in the mail today, he’s been accepted.
Lately he started thinking he was a man and didn’t have to listen to me any more. We sure have some arguments about that. He’s strong willed but that’s OK with me. You have to have a strong personality to get along in this world. He stands up for himself, never let any one beat him in a fight. He never started any fights but he sure knows how to finish them. He even stands up for the weak ones who can’t stand up for themselves. He does his chores… most of the time. Always helps his mother, even though he doesn’t like some of the things she asks him to do.
I don’t make much money but I do the best I can. He always has what he needs though. Sometimes I can’t buy the designer jeans or the name brand tennis shoes he wants but he understands. He got a job when he was 16 and started paying his own way. He’d even buy milk and bread sometimes when we were out. He buy’s his own clothes, lunch at school and gasses up the car when he borrows it.
He turned eighteen last week. He bought his own car with the money he had saved up. He was on his way home last night from the prom when a drunk driver hit him. The police said he died instantly. God, he was only eighteen. Jerry has so much left to do in his life. No father should ever have to bury his own son. I thought you were such a loving God. Why did you let my son die? Why??


The Bad son:

I have a son. I went to prison before he was born so I never even got to hold him; all I got were pictures. He never had a chance at a good life. His mother is on welfare and he wears hand me down clothes from the Good Will. I can’t blame him for how he turned out. Look at me, I wasn’t much of a father. His mother drinks too much and doesn’t take care of him right either. I know he could be a good kid if he was given a chance.
He was smart but the teachers looked down on him and wouldn’t give him a chance because of where he came from, because of who I am. Any time anything happened he was blamed, even when he wasn’t around. The other kids laughed at him and called him names. Made fun of him because of his clothes. He was in a lot of fights, got suspended a lot for that too. When he was 15 he just quit going to school. I wrote him that he should stay in school but he didn’t listen to me. It sure is hard being a father when you’re in prison.
He got in a gang. They were always doing things they shouldn’t. There was a war with another gang. My son had a gun and shot another boy. The cops got him and he went to prison too. He turned 27 last week. I didn’t get to see him in here. The Death row inmates aren’t allowed to mix with the rest of us. He died last night. They stuck a needle in his arm and killed him. I don’ believe there is a God. How could any God be so cruel? My son never had any chance in life. No breaks, nothing. I don’t see how any God could let so many bad things happen to any one person. If he is real why did would he let my son die? Why??



The Perfect Son:

I have a son. He is perfect in every way. I didn’t get to raise him. He had a good stepfather though. Taught him how to work with his hands. He always helped people when they needed it. He grew up learning to love everyone. He did things for his mother and honored her always. He never did a wrong thing in his whole life. He did worry his parents once when he was 12. He disappeared for a couple of days but they found him and he was OK.
He grew to be a good man. He never hurt anyone. By his actions and his attitude he taught people to love one another and share with those who were less fortunate than they were. When he was 30 he began his ministry and went out to teach the word of God to the world. He prayed for those in need. He loved those who were unloved. He healed those who needed healing. All he did was profess Gods word and love for all mankind. Showing the true path that all men and women should walk. Teaching right from wrong. Showing people that peace was the way of God.
He never committed a crime in his life, yet he was arrested. He never hurt any one yet he was beaten. He never shamed or belittled any one, yet he was mocked and spit upon by men of war. He lived in the way of God, yet it was the men of God who had him put to death. He died for the sins of all other men, past, present and future, yet he was perfect and never did any wrong to anyone.
Do not ask me why I let your sons die. Ask me why my son died for you and your sons and daughters. My son died so that you and your children would have everlasting life in Heaven because his father asked him to. He is the perfect son, the perfect sacrifice for your sins. All I ever asked is that you believe in me, obey my word and love me.

April 26, 2000
The Blood That Jesus Shed

I saw their footprints
In the Blood that Jesus shed.
In the Blood I saw my sorrow
In the Blood I saw my shame
I hid my face
I tried to hide my soul
But God saw through it all
My sorrow and my shame
Wiped clean with
The Blood that Jesus shed

The soldiers stepped in his blood
I stepped on his heart
The Soldiers tortured his body
I tortured his soul
He went through the torture of his mind, body and spirit
For us he suffered
For us he died
He did this to wipe clean our sins
With the Blood that Jesus shed

I knew this in my head
But it didn’t touch my soul
I knew I was doing wrong
When I asked the question
“What Would Jesus Do?”
But I didn’t look for the answer
I did what I wanted
I followed my will
Not his
Then I saw the truth
Then I saw the answer
In the Blood that Jesus shed
In the Tears that Jesus shed

God, Please help me do better
Now that I understand
Now that I know the answer
“What Would Jesus Do?”
He would love his enemy
Forgive his tormentor
He would Cry for us
Not himself
God let me do what you want
So that the Blood that Jesus shed was not in vain
Let his tears feed my soul
Let his footsteps show me the way
Thank you Jesus
Thank you God
For loving me and saving me from myself

That Hollow Space

Picture a bowl made out of a washcloth, picture that bowl in your chest feeling hollow and unfillable. It is an emptiness that never seems to hold onto what you put into it. I have tried to fill mine with parties, intoxication, physical pleasure, crying, laughter, work… with anything that I could think of that would take that hollow feeling away.

Picture a bowl made out of a washcloth. Everything you put into it runs out of the bottom and is wasted. It benefits no one. The missing item in that bowl in your chest is The Holy Spirit. His Spirit pours into the bowl with such strength and intensity that it shoots out through the washcloth in all directions saturating everything around it with Love, Kindness, Hope and the everlasting joy of God the Father.

Now I realize why nothing else would fill that hollow place in my soul. Everything else is weak, thin meaningless. Only God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit have the power, the substance to fill that place with in you. Other things are thin and powerless and pour right through onto nothing, touches nothing. The Spirit fills that bowl constantly, all the time, with Love, Compassion, Caring. The Spirit gives us a desire to give this Love, Compassion and Caring to everyone we meet. It covers them as it saturates us. It is so powerful that when some one who is unsaved feels it, they feel a desire to have that fullness but don’t know how to get it for themselves.

Your bowl is never full. The capacity increases with the amount of spirit you allow to come through to those around you. And the larger the bowl gets the more the Holy Spirit pours into it. No matter how much you feel that you could burst if any more was given to you, God will give you everything you need to continue on. He will never let that empty feeling into your soul again because he will never abandon you, ever.

I turned my back on you and walked away. Walking, leaving, rejecting you. I walked a long way by myself without you by my side, I thought.

I can do it on my own without your help. I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone! I can do it myself, better than you or anyone else could.

I walked a long way without you but I’m not making much progress. I can feel your eyes on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall. In my rejection I believe that you are waiting for me to fail so you can laugh at me, make fun of me and forget me. There are so many people better than me, why would you want me? In my rejection of you I don’t see how I could ever be good enough for your house, for your acceptance….. for your love. I see you in my minds eye you waiting for me to fall so you can throw me away because I couldn’t live up to your standards. Knowing that you will reject me, I will not give you the chance. I am fleeing from you so you can’t reject me or see me fall, so I can’t hear your laughter and your remarks on my inadequacy. I will do it on my own because there is no one else for me to rely on.

But wait, could I be wrong, could it be that you are not so cruel. I want to love you, I want you to love me. I look back and there you are, watching me, not with a smile, not with a sneer. You have tears in your eyes, why do you weep, it can’t possibly be for me! Has my rejection hurt you? You, the great and mighty brought to weeping because I walked away from you? Am I wrong?

I turn to you and smile, just a small one, just to let you know that I take back my rejection. That is all I do, I don’t take a step, I don’t reach for you, but you are running. Running towards me with laughter and smiles and tears. In shock I watch you run towards me, grabbing me, lifting me in your arms, kissing me with tears of joy on your face. My face is wet with your tears and mine, mixed. I am not alone, I am loved. You are my joy, my love, my life, my Jesus.

How God Sees us

I have this vision of God. He is looking down at us through Jesus. With Jesus as a filter he sees us and not our sins. We are his loved children in whom he takes great joy. Like a loving father giving approval.
Like when we missed some easy questions on a math test and got the hard ones right. “Yes, but look at the hard ones that troubled you so, all you have to do is pay attention to what you already know to get the easy ones right next time. I am so proud of you”. He is ever caring, like Dad when you wreck the bike, he picks you up, smoothes your hair out of your eyes and kisses you where it hurts. He laughs at is when we are funny and cries with us when we are sad. He says “No” when he knows what is good for us even though we don’t see it. I picture God looking at us through Jesus with a smile of great love on his face. Giggling with joy at our accomplishments and happiness.
Think of watching your child discover something and the wonder in their eyes at the discovery. Remember how you felt, the catch in your throat, the swelling of your chest with the deep breath you take to keep from making a sound as you want to cry or laugh. The love that suddenly fills your heart with pride and joy, so much that you think your heart would burst? Do you remember that feeling?
That is how I picture God feeling about us when he looks at us through Jesus. Jesus is the filter for our sins so God can’t see them. So that God can take pleasure in our lives as a parent should.
How much clearer will God see us when we get to heaven and Jesus no longer has to be the filter for our sins?