I turned my back on you and walked away. Walking, leaving, rejecting you. I walked a long way by myself without you by my side, I thought.
I can do it on my own without your help. I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone! I can do it myself, better than you or anyone else could.
I walked a long way without you but I’m not making much progress. I can feel your eyes on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall. In my rejection I believe that you are waiting for me to fail so you can laugh at me, make fun of me and forget me. There are so many people better than me, why would you want me? In my rejection of you I don’t see how I could ever be good enough for your house, for your acceptance….. for your love. I see you in my minds eye you waiting for me to fall so you can throw me away because I couldn’t live up to your standards. Knowing that you will reject me, I will not give you the chance. I am fleeing from you so you can’t reject me or see me fall, so I can’t hear your laughter and your remarks on my inadequacy. I will do it on my own because there is no one else for me to rely on.
But wait, could I be wrong, could it be that you are not so cruel. I want to love you, I want you to love me. I look back and there you are, watching me, not with a smile, not with a sneer. You have tears in your eyes, why do you weep, it can’t possibly be for me! Has my rejection hurt you? You, the great and mighty brought to weeping because I walked away from you? Am I wrong?
I turn to you and smile, just a small one, just to let you know that I take back my rejection. That is all I do, I don’t take a step, I don’t reach for you, but you are running. Running towards me with laughter and smiles and tears. In shock I watch you run towards me, grabbing me, lifting me in your arms, kissing me with tears of joy on your face. My face is wet with your tears and mine, mixed. I am not alone, I am loved. You are my joy, my love, my life, my Jesus.
